Standing on my Soap Box

My mind goes back a few years (ok, 11 if you must know!). I had a friend. We grew up together, she moved away and we had our ups and downs, but we worked them out. Then one day my husband and I took a trip. We spent a week at her house with her family, and things were never the same.

While we were there, I watched this friend, and she had it all. She was gorgeous (still is from the pictures I see). She is thin, has beautiful skin, and a smile that lights up her whole face. She was organized, precise, had all her ducks in a row. WOW I wanted to be just like her, because I felt like I was NONE of that. The fact that I was in the beginning of a pregnancy, could have been part of my skewed vision of myself.

Well a few years later we had a phone conversation that ended our friendship. My wanting to be like her was a tad creepy to her, and with a little maturity under my belt I can see that.

This weekend I saw a woman who could have been her mother’s twin, and that got me to thinking of my friend. I’ve been missing her (a part of me always does). I‘ve been thinking about the things that I “coulda/woulda/shoulda” done (or said) differently. I am also thinking of the words I said that were hurtful; things I did throughout our friendship that were wrong; and things that, had I been the person of strength then that I am now, I would have done differently.

They say hind-sight has 20/20 vision, and that things happen for a reason. I don’t know the reason for why things happened the way they did, but I am sorry, and because of my mistakes, insecurities, and plain childlikeness I have missed out on years of being able to be the friend that she needed.

So why am I saying this (you know – that Soap Box thing), I think partly as a reflection, part of it as a warning.

• Be the person you should be, don’t be afraid to be the person of strength that you were meant to be.
• Ask God who you are, listen to him, be content with that, and stop trying to be someone else!
• Sometimes it is better to do the hard thing, than it is to do the easy thing. It is easier to do this, than it is to live with regret.