Rethinking Lifestyle

In the past, I’ve had a hard time finding the right Christmas gift, especially for other adults. Gift buying is always connected in my imagination with the image of an ideal Christmas in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. In that story, Bob Cratchit’s normally poor family scrapes together enough money to enjoy a Christmas pudding and a sip of rum punch (kids included). Poor as they are, they are happy, and consider themselves rich in that moment. Scrooge’s generous gift of a fat goose at the end of the story brings them to unexpected heights of joy – and Scrooge himself enjoys the unique (to him) joy of giving. Today though, I doubt that Christmas pudding and a goose would hardly get the same reaction. And the reason for this isn’t just our changing taste in foods. For most Canadians, meeting our basic needs is an expectation. We fill them as soon as they are felt. So much so, that our definition of “need” has expanded considerably. After all, buying a new rake to replace the current one with a wiggly handle is a very reasonable purchase by our standards, but one that would still be a luxury for someone without enough to eat.

In Dickens’ fictional depiction, the ideal gift fills a genuine deficit in the other person’s life. Indeed, that’s what we all hope our gift will bring to the recipient in some way. But if I have a need, or even a want within a reasonable price range, I usually just buy the thing for myself. And when a special occasion comes around, my family and friends are stuck looking for a gift for “the person who has everything”, as so many of us are. If the recipient has filled all his/her needs already, the only thing one can do is try to satisfy some less necessary wants. Another piece of sports memorabilia perhaps, or an engraved mug. Unfortunately, these gifts are less impactful, and are often wasteful and trivial. As a gift-giver, constantly searching for new desires to fulfill for your family and friends can sometimes be frustrating. It can lead to more and more expensive gifts, or worse – just buying “something” to fulfill the obligation.

But last year, I tried something different. Starting in January, when I came across an item I wanted, or even better – needed, I did something new. I didn’t buy it. If I could do without it, even if it meant continued inconvenience for another year, I simply noted it on a list and managed to get by. Of course, I didn’t do this for everything, but by the time Christmas came around I had a good list of things I would genuinely appreciate. Unexpectedly, some of the things on my list didn’t even stay there. After a few months had passed, I realized they just weren’t as important as I thought. Other items, however, became increasingly valuable to me by their absence. By the time Christmas came around, I really enjoyed the gifts I received. The wonderful thing about these gifts is that they can be inexpensive and practical – it can be as simple as replacing a missing socket from your socket set. How awesome is that!

Of course, it can be a bit tasteless to hand someone a gift list for yourself. But keeping a list doesn’t mean you have to share it at all. Just doing without something for a while will give others the opportunity to find out what you’d really enjoy. Maybe they’ll notice it themselves, or ask you or someone close to you what you’ve been needing. Choosing to let someone else give you something that matters to you, rather than doing it for yourself, is another kind of generosity. Try giving it to someone you love next Christmas.