Raising Kids With Character

I’m not going to start this blog the same way many people do these days with a pre-emptive conciliatory statement to try and keep people from getting upset. My observation is that such efforts are usually futile.

Rather, I want to share my opinion with you. It’s not the only opinion, and there are probably problems with bits and pieces of it, but I think it’s worth considering. Otherwise, I wouldn’t write it.

So [deep breath] here we go.

Public protests about policies as easy to follow as wearing a mask in a classroom are dumb and teach our kids the wrong lesson.

(I say this with a genuine understanding that in some rare cases, there will be students who cannot wear a mask for legitimate medical reasons. Rare, legitimate medical reasons.)

Take the protest in front of the Hanover School Division office on August 30th (I’m pretty sure you saw where I was about to go with this). The message of that protest, as far as I could tell, is that if we allow the authorities to mandate wearing a mask in school (and on buses) that it is a sure sign that our freedoms are being eroded.

But is that the case? Or is the issue really that as a society we just don’t like to be told what to do?

Although there was an unsurprising anti-vax sentiment with some of the presenters, the event was planned under the auspices of a protest against the requirement of students wearing masks when school starts up again next week.

To me, a protest like this teaches our kids some questionable lessons.

Here are just three of the potentially harmful lessons I see parents teaching their kids when they attend protests like the one on August 30th.

Lesson #1. That we needn’t be strategic in how we express our offense.

Look, there are loads of injustices that drive me NUTS. I mean I get physically ill when I see stories about the historical mistreatment of our First Nations friends and neighbours.

But do I really think it would do an ounce of good to go and protest those injustices in front of history department at the U of M? I mean what would that accomplish? Those history profs would likely look out their windows sympathetically and remain incapable of making the necessary changes to right a terrible wrong.

Why wouldn’t you petition this injustice with the correct level of government if they are the ones who hold the power of policy? (Or the Church, for that matter, who played a role in the tragedy?)

In the same way, what does it accomplish to protest outside the offices of Hanover School Division when they don’t make decisions regarding mask mandates? Wouldn’t it make more sense to petition the government? (And no, all press is not good press. Some press makes you look silly and undermines what you are trying to accomplish in the first place.)

We must teach our kids that spewing offense at the nearest perceived enemy is counterproductive at best.

And in case you are shaking your head about comparing something like residential schools to wearing a mask, you’re right. It’s a ridiculous comparison.

Lesson #2. That all injustice is created equal.

No. No. No. A mask mandate is NOT the same as fascism and communism. (Which I might point out is misplaced to suggest anyways, because those are completely different political ideologies.)

Claiming that being required to wear a mask is evidence of the erosion of personal liberty (which will ultimately lead to the erosion of ALL personal freedoms), is like an 8-year-old kid claiming his parents are Nazis for imposing a curfew. A curfew that will lead to the inevitable loss of his childhood.

You know what we do when our 8-year-old’s make statements like that?

First, we congratulate them on knowing some very adult words. And then we roll our eyes at them and tell them that the next time they come out of their room that they won’t get their treat tomorrow.

“But wait!” someone will say. “I have a child who has a medical reason that keeps them from wearing a mask.”

Granted some kids should be excused from wearing a mask. Perhaps they have asthma or Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Here’s the thing though 1) those cases will be relatively rare and 2) there is usually a creative solution to the problem – even SPD.

And I know a few things about SPD. In fact, I know enough about SPD that I’ve taught teachers, social workers, guidance counsellors, and hundreds of parents about how to help their kids function even if they have SPD.

Often kids with trauma, like those in foster care, struggle with SPD – we’ve a few kids like that in our home. I’ll admit this isn’t always the case, but one kid I’ve worked with who had SPD thought his mask was so cool that he didn’t take it off in the house for a week after his parents gave it to him.

I believe that if we would stop complaining and start figuring out ways to remain positive that our kids would be able to adapt. Imagine that! Resilient, adaptive, and creative kids! They might end up solving some problems one day instead of just whining about them.

Lesson #3. That we should disobey those in authority.

Really??

Because I’ve been a pastor for 19 years and the NUMBER ONE thing that parents come to me in tears about is that their kid doesn’t obey their rules.

“How do I make him obey me, Thom?”

How about you start by not displaying abject disdain for every authority figure in your life!

I laughed when I read a comment on social media by a highly offended anti-mask parent because he’s the guy I debated about whether spanking your kid is okay or not. (It’s not, by the way, at least if behavioral psychology is to be believed.)

I’m telling you, if one of those parents ever darkens my door asking for advice on how to get their child to behave, I’m going to suggest that they start by apologizing to every politician they slandered, every teacher they ripped into, every pastor they said was compromising their faith, and every bus driver that had to deal with their insubordinate children who were empowered to rebel against the rules.

Furthermore, the authority figures we are teaching our kids to mistrust aren’t just our political and educational leaders, they are the PhDs that are working their backsides off to find good answers and solutions to this incredibly complex pandemic.

Do you really want to teach your kids that all experts are untrustworthy?

• “Driver’s ed instructor? What for? You don’t need some expert to teach you what you can learn from a 16-year-old influencer on Instagram.”
• “Broken leg? You don’t need a doctor to set that. We’ve got a decent splint in the barn that we tried on the horse before we ended up shooting him.”
• “Firearms safety course? Your granddaddy didn’t need a course to know which is the business end of a rifle and neither do you.”
• “Physics teachers? I learned everything I needed about physics by jumping off successively higher roofs.”

Questioning the opinion of every expert you disagree with doesn’t make you an expert. (Remember the doctor’s note that excused your kid from wearing a mask? It was written by the same brand of authority that you are teaching your kids to mistrust. Do you think that’s a bit confusing?)

What is tragic in the case of this particular issue is that parents are missing a massive opportunity to teach their children lessons that actually matter in life.

Here are a few lessons that actually matter:

1. How to question ideas without attacking people.
2. How to disagree with someone respectfully.
3. How to address critical issues and leave the minor issues for another day. (Wearing a mask is minor compared to other massive injustices that are worth fighting for.)
4. That we can (and SHOULD) do hard things.
5. That we should love the people who are the most vulnerable and do everything possible to protect them.

There are better ways to teach our kids the critical life-lessons they need to learn. I know this blog is going to earn me a firestorm of criticism, but I’m literally stunned at how short-sighted some parents are.

Surely, we can do better.

Finally, a message to my fellow Christian parents.

Stop it.

Stop using your free speech as an opportunity to slander people in leadership. You are not honouring God with your words or actions. God has given us many mandates in the Bible, and you are undermining Him every time you undermine your leaders.

Stop saying that God will keep you from getting sick. That does violence to Scripture which says nothing of the sort when understood in context. What will happen to your child when God doesn’t keep them healthy? I know what happens. I’ve seen it. They abandon your God because He’s a liar.

Stop it because you are misrepresenting the priorities of God, which do not include the preservation of your personal freedom, but rather loving God (which you can do with a mask on), and loving your neighbour, who may well be vulnerable and scared.

Whether you are a Christian or not the Bible’s message of faith, hope, and love, is one that would transform society. If we would model those three powerful ideals to our children we would change pandemics, mandates, restrictions, and disagreements into lessons we can learn from instead of causes that compel virulent opposition.