Chaplain's Corner

It seems in the last decade there has been considerable discussion by outgoing political leaders both here in Canada and in the United States about concern over their legacy, how they would be remembered after they leave office. I recall discussions in the media about Jean Chrétien, Bill Clinton and most recently George Bush and their concern over how they would be remembered. A quick internet search reveals that for each of them, their legacy may be far from positive, regardless of the concern they may have had about their legacy.

What is this business of legacy anyway? Well a legacy is something received from a predecessor. It may be in the form of a material inheritance but it often in the form of values, memories, commitments, vows, made by one who has gone before us that have in some way impacted our lives.

Back in the last few weeks of this past winter, as spring slowly pried winters cold fingers from the earth and began to bring its warmth and new life; I had the privilege to witness the legacy that two women left for their children. These two women in many respects were very different. One was widowed while her children were still young, the other only more recently. One had been an immigrant, the other a native born Canadian. One had been a farm wife who nobly scrapped out an existence under very difficult circumstance; the other had been a professional woman and had had a long career in health care. One was dying in her mid-nineties; the other was in her seventies. One was from our region here in southeastern Manitoba; the other was from British Columbia until just recently.

These differences were immediately apparent and under deeper investigation the list of difference would grow longer and longer. But it is not the differences that impressed me. It is a similar legacy left by these two very different women. Characterizing the legacy is important, and I believe it is best characterized as a loving commitment to the good of their children; or in a word “love”.

As I stopped by the dying rooms of each of these women, as I listened to their daughters talk, each spoke in one way or another about the love of a woman who had for many years lived committed to their daughters best. This commitment was reflected in many ways: by sacrifices made, by lessons taught, and by examples lived out in the presence of these daughters. This legacy of love was remembered by its support in difficult times, by its joy over successes achieved, by its heartbreak over setbacks experienced, and by a dogged commitment to care regardless of the cost.

The expression of the legacy of love was different. But the heart of the legacy was the same. As time passed and these noble women died, each of these daughters walked away from the experience grateful to have been there, even though it was one of the hardest things they had ever done. They were grateful to have honored their mothers who left behind the legacy of love that even death could not erase.

I have also been privileged as well to bear witness to the deaths of others who left a very different legacy, a legacy of abuse, of carelessness, of disregard or of bitterness. I have talked to other sons and daughters as the deaths occurred and after whose legacy they wished they could have buried with the one who died. But by definition a legacy is what remains after a death, what goes on, even after we are gone. These loveless legacies wound the souls of children, long after a parent is dead and gone and they often find their way into the lives of the children in such a way as to be passed on generation after generation.

Having witnessed both the legacy of love and the legacy of lovelessness; I must pause to ask myself, “What legacy will I receive from my parents and what legacy am I preparing to leave to by sons?” One of the problems of “living only for today” is that when we do that, we more often than not build legacies that we will leave to our children to their harm. Short-sighted living that thinks only of today more often than not becomes very self-invested and if we pile day after day after day of this kind of living into a lifetime, we leave behind to our children a value and an example of self-absorbed living that is doomed to be a loveless legacy.

When we think of legacy, we need to think more of the spiritual, invisible legacy than the material. This too is not the norm in our culture. I have too often born witness to families waiting for the death of a parent so that they could collect their inheritance. This often leads to conflict as children fight to get what they wanted from their parent’s estate. Such a spirit is sad indeed. One woman that I know she spoke of her siblings attitude around the time of her mothers dying likening them to vultures flying in circles around their failing mother, anxious to swoop in and collect a few scrapes of material wealth that mother would leave behind when she finally died. How tragic, for in such circumstances, even those material things may very well be a curse.

As I ponder this business of legacy and reflect on both the legacy of love and the loveless legacy, I am reminded that even concentrating on my legacy can lead to disaster. These two women that got me thinking of this gave little or no thought to the legacy they would leave. They thought only about loving their children, in and through every phase of life, in good times and difficult times; when success was experienced and well as when failure came. And this kind of living is what we are called to by our Creator. God made us to love and to be loved. No matter what else we may experience or possess; no matter how prosperous we may become, no matter what name we make for ourselves, no matter what reputation we accrue, if we fail to love and miss being loved we fail to achieve our purpose in life.

So, as I look at myself, at the way I live, at the things I value, at the attitudes that reside in my heart, I want to become a man who loves better and better each day. I want to be a man who looks to the needs and interests of others, who seeks to serve, to give, to lay down my life for the benefit of others. I want to be a man who is able to receive the kindness and generosity and affirmation of others; a man who is humble enough to recognize that I need others and am dependent on other and am rich only when I love and am loved.

If I can be this kind of person, then I will not have to give the legacy I will leave behind a second thought. I am most grateful to these two women for stirring my soul to reflect once again on the one thing that is most important in life – the greatest of all things – love.