Edgework

It is now just over two years since my good friend and mentor, Roy Penner, passed away. I have faith to believe that, while cancer “took” him, God “received” him into his presence. Exactly what that means remains a mystery for me, but I am satisfied simply to know that God did not abandon him in death. I have come to terms with the stark reality that death divides. Roy is no longer with us nor should I think that I can communicate directly with him at this point.

But how I wish I could! I would love to sit down with Roy again to share with him how I have continued my pilgrimage without him by my side. I know this is not possible but that does not keep me from taking note of what I would tell him if I could. So in the letter to Roy that follows I am reminding myself and my friends of the memories that refuse to die but rather keep on inspiring me and those who were close to him.

___________________

Dear Roy,

Well, Roy, life has moved on since you left us just over two years ago. While “the pain of searing loss” has subsided considerably, I still miss you more than words can tell. I remain forever indebted to you for believing in me at a time when I, and some of my friends, thought that life was over for me. And I learned from you that one is never too old to quest for truth. I just told someone the other day that at this point in my life I am more motivated to keep learning about faith and life – on a multitude of fronts – than ever before. I only wish I had more youthful energy to pursue such studies.

I am reminded of the poem “Ulysses” which Lord Alfred Tennyson penned in 1842 shortly after the death of a close friend. He too wrestled with how to continue on. “Though much is taken, much abides” he wrote, and then committed himself “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield” because, as he saw it, “’Tis not too late to seek a newer world.”

Roy, you inspired me to keep on questing by pursuing truth together with me. Although you were taken from me, the memory of your inspiration abides. Always, when we discovered a new vista together you told me that I had to write about it because it was imperative to share what we had discovered. I have continued to do that; posting an essay every two weeks about what I am learning. Sometimes when I am stuck for words I look up at your picture on the wall behind my computer and soon enough the words begin to flow once again.

While many of my friends have stopped thinking new thoughts long ago, I remain a restless spirit. As Tennyson said it, “I cannot rest from travel; I will drink life to the lees…I am become a name…always roaming with a hungry heart.” I sometimes wonder what it would be like to just drop my sails, lower the anchor of my ship and just relax on its sunny deck. But when I think of how you, Roy, felt the winds in your sails right to the very end, that temptation slips away quickly. You have become part of me and I must be true to this hybrid self.

Again, Tennyson says it best.

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life!

So I carry on, my dear friend. My fragile heart has found a new steady rhythm and I am blessed with a greater degree of physical and spiritual vitality than I have had for some time. How much life remains for me I don’t know, but I am committed to living fully and joyfully as much as possible by the grace of God.

I still remain an eco-activist of sorts, fully engaged in the South Eastman Transition Initiative I helped found nearly five years ago. I still remain perplexed about why the church community here in Steinbach is not much interested in “creation care.” But I know too much by now to remain quiet about the degradation of God’s world. I will keep on advocating for a greener, healthier world – the kind I believe God has in mind for us. At least I will be able to tell my grandchildren that I tried!

Oh, yes, you might be interested to know that when I completed the picnic shelter at Edgework Place last year I named it in your memory. As you know, I like to give a name to whatever I build so as construction was nearing completion I began looking for an appropriate name. As I walked the trails behind the cabin the name dropped from one of the poplar trees I think. So now there is a large sign above the doors on the west side which states, Roy Penner Memorial Pavilion. Last September Mary cut the ribbon at an informal dedication service. Your picture stands on the mantel of the fieldstone fireplace.

I should also tell you that your family put on a surprise birthday party for Mary at the pavilion last Saturday. It was a great day with about 80 people showing up, all friends or family. I was so honored that they chose the pavilion named in your memory as the venue to celebrate Mary’s 75th birthday!

So, Roy, two years after your passing, life carries on. But, at least for me, it remains infused with the memory of your presence among us. You will always be loved and remembered.

Friend and Brother,

Jack