Chaplain's Corner

In my work I run into victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence is a social,  criminal,  psychological as well as a spiritual problem. Unfortunately, many Christian communities have developed sophisticated ways of hiding domestic violence, supporting domestic violence and putting down barriers to those within the community that would like to expose domestic violence.

As a student of the Bible I know that domestic violence is NEVER God’s will and those who attempt to prop up the abuse of male power with Bible verses commit a sin paramount to blaspheme. Abuse of any kind is a contradiction of God’s command that we love one another.

Abuse comes in many forms: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, financial and spiritual. Abuse in any of its forms is the misuse of one’s authority; to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way; to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about another; revile or malign.

I have been in Christian ministry for 38 years and I know abuse happens in the homes and relationships of people who are church goers just as it is happening in the homes and relationships of those who claim no religious conviction. I also know that sometimes it is the leadership of the church that either perpetrates or assist the perpetrator in hiding, covering or excusing their abuse. At times, church leaders perpetrate abuse on members of both their own families and the congregations they serve. If we think that nobody knows, we are only fooling ourselves.

Often if you dig down beneath the bravado and anger and power that are displayed by abusers, you find  weak people that are simply trying to get their needs met and their desperation to get their needs met results in them disregarding the needs of those they use and abuse. Most abusers blame the people they abuse for their actions: “If you would obey me”; “if you wouldn’t make me mad”; “if you would give me what I want how I want” this wouldn’t happen. Abusers refuse to take responsibility for their own needs and meeting them in legitimate ways.

To be honest – my needs are not that important. So what if my needs aren’t met. Especially those of us who claim to be follow Jesus. Jesus wasn’t driven by getting his needs met. He willingly laid aside his needs to meet the needs of others.

But many men resist saying, “But I’m the man, the head of my house, I m the boss, I have the authority!” But what does that mean? If we take the example of the Lord, he laid everything aside, the independent use of his divine power and authority in order to become our servant, dying to meet our needs. Jesus said that he did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life a ransom for many. Why don’t we respect his leadership directive which states that we are not to lead like the gentiles (unbelievers) lording it over those we lead, instead we are to serve those we lead.

Dear brothers, I’m tired of hearing the stories of abused women who have been mislead into believing that submitting to the authority of their husbands and pastors means they have to just put up with their abuse. If you believe God gave you headship so that you could use it to get your own needs met and abuse those who resist you in getting your needs met – you have been deceived, you have no understanding of the Scriptures at all and you misuse God’s Word to do violence against His people. You are deceived and bring reproach on the name of our Lord. Please, for God’s sake, for the sake of those you mistreat, for the sake of your own soul- STOP.