Edgework

Every once in a while I am surprised by what I hear. Some days go by in which most everything I hear is predictable, even mundane. But then, without warning, it seems, something jumps out and grabs my attention; something I can’t shake off as easily as talk about the weather.

A few weeks ago I had a surprise call from a friend living in Texas. That was quite extraordinary on its own because we probably had not talked in ten years.  It was great catching up on each other’s stories for more than an hour and finding some common threads in the process!

During our conversation my friend told me about a young man in Mexico who felt called to be a pastor. He accepted that role in a church too small and impoverished to be able to support him financially. So he began looking for some gainful employment to keep body and soul together. Being somewhat entrepreneurial, he advertised in the local media that he was willing to listen to people for an hourly fee. His commitment was to listen non-judgmentally without providing answers to tough questions.

To his surprise, people actually began contacting him to set up appointments. And word spread quickly in the community that someone nearby was willing to listen to you – for a fee. Within a short time the pastor’s appointment book began to fill up. After a few months of wide-open listening the waiting time to get the pastor’s ear was three months long. Obviously, he had struck a nerve – and a cash cow!

This story keeps percolating in my mind and I have started to ask some questions. Why was there such a market for a listening ear in that particular Mexican community? Did all those people on the waiting list really not have anyone willing to listen to them? Or were those willing to listen judgmental persons, perhaps? Could it be that people in my city would be just as eager to have someone listen to them non-judgmentally as in that Mexican neighborhood?

According to my friend, reports indicate that many people began talking themselves toward answers to their particular problems. Many apparently reported enthusiastically that they had been greatly helped by having someone listen to them talk about what troubled them. I am aware that some professional counsellors use this strategy with their clients with at least some degree of success. But who needs a counselling degree simply to listen to someone else? And not everyone one can afford the fees.

A fleeting thought appeared on my radar screen. Perhaps I could earn a little extra cash right here in Steinbach if I made myself available to listen to people, say eight hours a week – for a fee, of course. But, since I really don’t need extra cash right now, a second more profound inspiration emerged in the form of a few questions: Why might there be such a need for non-judgmental listening in my community? Has the individualistic mindset of our times robbed us of our ability to listen well to one another? And, if that is the case, what wellsprings of healing and hope could we anticipate if we could regain that capacity?

I know that many of us religious types feel like we need to be going around “telling” people what to do to get to a better place. I like to be a fixer. It feels good to think that the profound insights I share with struggling people will really help them. Don’t get me wrong; there is a time and place to humbly share insights you have learned that might help others. But for now, I am troubled by the possibility that I too often pass up on the opportunity to simply be there to lend people my ear. Sometimes that is all they are asking for and all that they need. If all of us took a few hours a week for non-judgmental listening – without any fees involved – just think how that might change our community for the better.

I am reminded of my relationship with Roy Penner for at least a decade before he passed away a few years ago. Roy knew how to lend me his ear. How many times, in the aftermath of a burnout experience did I simply pour out my thoughts and emotions in Roy’s presence? As I think about it, I don’t remember so much the insights he offered – although there were those as well. What I remember being the healing for my soul was the fact that someone was listening to me with an understanding heart. He simply conveyed the profound affirmation that, although I was in an emotional wasteland at the time, my heart was in the right place. That gave me strength to keep moving toward healing.

Just the other night I came home from an errand in town about 8:00 p.m. to find a long-time friend waiting for me. Since it was a balmy evening we sat down on the deck and began talking. After a while I asked him what had brought him over after such a long absence. And then I proceeded to let him talk. I asked a few questions, made a few comments and affirmed him as a person. Yes, he has a troubled life. Some things are not going so well right now. But underneath the story line I could detect a sincerity and sensitivity that I seldom notice in people. After two hours or so, he quietly got up and left in a somewhat buoyant mood.

Ah, shucks! I should have asked for a fee, right? Wrong. I think the Lord brought this friend into my life to reinforce the thoughts I have been having related to that Mexican pastor. If each of us would take just an hour or two a week to lend someone our ear a new world would begin emerging. Let it come, Lord!