Raising Kids With Character

Actually let’s qualify that: Every kid needs a GOOD hero! There are plenty of heroes out there that we actually don’t want our kids to follow. But every kid does need a hero; it’s built into their DNA, which means that if there is a hero vacuum in their lives, something will fill that void. Parenting is about filling voids in our kid’s lives before someone or something else does.

But it’s hard being a hero.

Allow me to be vulnerable for a moment. I have a challenge of living with a chronic deficit of energy. That’s not a joke, it’s medical. I can usually manage by resting properly, watching my diet and limiting my schedule (aka obeying my wife), but there are always times when I’m just too wiped to do physical things with my boys. This is really hard for me, because boys love to do physical things. To make things worse I’m already not the “sports dad” (I coached soccer until my son was 6 and then I left it to the professionals) so I’m not going to be that coach-dad hero. I’m also kind of impatient and really like my space, so that works against me. And then, I love reading and it’s pretty rare to hear the story about the kid who idolized his dad because… he reads so much. Yikes. What kind of a hero am I? Who is filling that need in the lives of my boys? (Incidentally, girls need a daddy-hero too, and ALL kids need a heroic mother! So no one is left out and no one is off the hook!)

Well there are things that I can be for my boys. For example, I may be tired a lot but that doesn’t mean we can’t watch great movies together. Now I get it, movie nights can be a big-time cop-out. They can be the easy go-to when you actually just want to avoid talking with anyone. But we don’t overuse family movie night and we are also pretty selective in what we watch. Plus we often talk about the movie we just watched. I also love woodworking and so do my boys – so we can sit in the shop (when it’s cleaned that is) and work on our little projects building memories and the great thing is I don’t know what I’m doing! So we are all learning together!

Those are specific things that are starting to work for my family, what will work for yours? Well here’s my short how-to-be-a-hero checklist for you moms and dads out there.

1. Be funny. Find ways to laugh together, a lot. If you need help take a deep breath and head into the library to find a kids joke book. That will provide THE KIDS with hours of revelry. Funny heroes are very good heroes. Laughing can also happen over games. We have a tradition of buying one family game as a Christmas present. (Thank GOODNESS we are moving beyond that stupid “Blue’s Clues” game they liked as four year olds.)
2. Build forts. Forts can be very easy. Blankets held up by books on tables. But every hero needs a fort. The reason is that forts by definition tap into the imagination of kids.
3. Listen. Heroes are always listening past the conversation right in front of their face to what is being spoken softly in the background. They hear when things have gone quiet and something is wrong. They can read people.
4. Wear a costume. Nothing says, “I love you” like letting your little girl dress you up and then have tea with her (and about a dozen stuffies and dolls.)
5. Be there when you’re needed. Sometimes I focus on the times I miss instead of the times I am there. If I learn to recognize the critical times my kids need me, I will make up for those times I can’t be. If you travel, make sure you Skype or FaceTime every night before bed. Heroes know to do this.

Finally, always remember that a good hero is memorable for the right reasons. Children need a library of good memories to draw on when life gets challenging, help them stock those shelves with heroic mommy and daddy tales.

Thank you Dad for giving me heroic memories! Happy Father’s Day!