Chaplain's Corner

Miscarriages are quite common. On the babycenter.ca website it is reported that early miscarriages are very common. Often, a woman miscarries before she even realizes she’s pregnant. Perhaps as many as three-quarters of all fertilized eggs are lost in the very earliest days of pregnancy. After a positive pregnancy test, there’s about a one in five chance of having an early miscarriage. This is when most miscarriages happen. Late miscarriage is much less common. It happens in about one in 100 pregnancies.

If this is true, you all know a woman/couple who have experienced miscarriage. So why does a miscarriage impact a woman/couple so differently. The answer is as complex as the women/couples experiencing the loss. But let’s think together about a few of the different situations. If a woman miscarries without even knowing it is obvious that there may be little or no reaction to the loss. But what about those women/couples who are aware that conception has taken place? Sometimes conception is an  “opps”: the couple was not trying to have a child, perhaps the birth control method being used failed or the couple took a chance and an unintended child is conceived. In situations like these the couple may be relieved if a miscarriage occurs. However, it is also possible that even though the conception was unplanned, that the loss of the child results in a real sense of loss and bereavement.

Of course it is easy to understand that the reactions to a miscarriage will be heightened when a couple is “trying to have a baby” and a planned pregnancy ends in miscarriage. The reactions can be varied. If it is a first miscarriage the loss may not be felt as deeply, but if the miscarriage is a subsequent loss, each miscarriage can have a deeper and deeper impact on the woman/couple experiencing the loss. In these cases a complex number or reactions maybe experienced: blame may be laid on someone or something, guilt may be experienced by the mother or father over something that is perceived to be the cause of the miscarriage. Often a couple or one of its members will begin to experience feelings of inadequacy, especially if a doctor has been involved and it is discovered that there is a physiological reason for the miscarriages taking place.

All these feelings are real and mustn’t be just blown off as of little importance, but because miscarriage is a common occurrence and because some women/couples are impacted lightly by the loss, those who struggle with the loss often feel dismissed or are treated as if they are over-reacting to what has happened. This lack of sensitivity often results in women/couple keeping their losses to themselves and bearing the pain of each loss privately.

It is a desire to validate the personal experiences of the loss experienced in miscarriage that motivates me to hold an annual service of remembrance and interment each year for women/couples who have lost a child in the past year. This service is simple, it is not lengthy, but it honors women/couples and their families and honors the children that were lost to the miscarriages they have experienced. It is a service in which women/couples are encouraged to name their baby and the child’s name is read aloud. It is a service where the child’s existence, be it ever so short is acknowledged and honored. It is a Christian service but is not draped in the traditions of any one denomination.

If you have experienced such a loss and Public Health was involved you may have already received a letter from me inviting you to attend. The service is open to all and it will be held this year on Wednesday, June22 at 1:00 p.m. at the Heritage Cemetery on Loewen Blvd. in Steinbach. You will see a white tent at the back of the cemetery where the service will be held. Please feel free to come.