Chaplain's Corner

Appearances are often deceiving; sometimes by intent, many other times they just are. A few months ago I sat at the bedside of a gentleman that had cancer. He had been through rounds of chemo and radiation therapy and finally the oncologist made the declaration, “You are cancer free.” All the tests looked like he was cancer free, he was feeling better, but a month later he started feeling bad again, and a trip to the doctor and a few scans later and he was told that he had cancer throughout his body. By all appearance it looked like he was “out of the woods” but appearances don’t always tell the truth.

It wasn’t long after that I was talking to a young woman. She is bright and lovely in appearance, a gifted professional, hard working and talented. If you would see her on the street, you would think that everything is great. Not so, she is struggling with a difficult medical condition of some sort that leaves her exhausted.

Then there is the couple that from all appearances had it all. A great marriage, successful and well grounded children, prosperous in regards to their finances, ready to launch into retirement and seemingly out of the blue, they file for a divorce. Everyone is shocked, the appearance was deceiving.

This is often true in regards to our spiritual lives. If you are a part of a church community there is a lot of pressure to appear as if things are going well spiritually. Sometimes we actually believe things are going well spiritually but under the surface things are brewing of which we are not aware. Other times we know things are not well with our souls, but we “fake it” because we want to appear as all is well.

Let’s think for a moment about this last reality. I believe this reality exists because we don’t want to accept the fact that sanctification is a messy, difficult process. I suppose I better define sanctification. Sanctification is a word Christian theologians use to describe the process of maturing in our faith. As is every other area of life, maturity is a process. It takes time, regression as well as progress are at work all of the time and the process can easily be impacted by unexpected and hurtful events.

The fact is, often spiritual progress towards maturity is moved forward in the midst of really messy and difficult times: fiscal setbacks, personal failures, medical struggles, interpersonal conflict and others. But these “knock you off your feet” experiences often are also the very ones that generate our sense of need to put on the appearance of doing well. This feeling that we need to put n the appearance of doing well is generally generated from two sources: either our own pride that doesn’t want anyone to think that we are not doing just fine or as a response to the judgment that comes from our Christian community if it perceives that we are struggling.

Strangely, both responses are counterproductive and arrest maturity. God’s path to maturity requires many things but two very important ones are: humility – my own awareness of and embracing of my personal weakness, brokenness, and struggle; and a safe community – a group of people that likewise are humble and instead of offering judgment and condemnation when struggles hit, offer compassion, mercy and companionship in and through the struggles.

One of my greatest sadnesses in life is the absence of this kind of community and the unrelenting pressure that stymies my maturity as I seek to grow in my faith in the absence of safe Christian community. Every Christian is responsible for both: to be humble and embrace one’s own brokenness, weakness and struggle and to be part of a safe community where others can be humble without facing condemnation and judgment.