Raising Kids With Character

The recent bombing at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester unscored again the profound level of hatred that exists in the human heart. The response from around the world has, in some cases, underscored similar hateful as well as the occasional mind-boggling sentiment as well. It would seem the left hates the right for creating a hostile situation and that the right feels that leftist naivety is to blame; and hates them for it.

So much hate. How on earth is a parent to raise a thinking yet compassionate child in this kind of cultural conflict? There are some very practical things to consider.

First, help your kids to understand what different worldviews believe and teach their adherents. But don’t white wash the truth. If there is a particular world religion that advocates for this kind of violence we do our children no service by ignoring that reality. There are many fabulous resources for parents to use to teach their children from both faith and secular perspectives. A simple Google search will provide you with options. I personally like the work of Hendrik van der Breggen and Ravi Zacharias.

It is important to understand that our children are asking questions about faith and the world and that we owe them an informed response. Take some time today at dinner to raise the issue and find out what they are hearing at school, from friends and as they overhear the news.

Second, help your children to see people not ideology. This is the key to loving engagement with people of different faiths and worldviews. For example, while there are many extreme Muslims, certainly not all Muslims are violent! That would be a gross misunderstanding. If our children begin to live in fear of people, we have entirely missed the mark.

How does one do this? I believe it is best taught when modeled. If, as a parent, you have a completely homogeneous friendship circle, it will be difficult to instill the value of diversity into your children. Seek out friendships, or at least interactions, with people of different faiths and worldviews. You may want to take your kids on a spiritual field trip to a synagogue or mosque. Take them to the Museum for Human Rights in Winnipeg.

For far too long, we have feared that exposing our children to opposing beliefs would cause them to abandon the faith and values we hold as parents. Nothing could be further from the truth! If you want to raise children with convictions, who are able to reason for themselves what is true and what is not, then you must expose them to alternatives.

A good case and point is the recent Christian Facebook furor over Disney’s remake of Beauty and the Beast. I completely understand that there is a subplot to the movie that is contrary to many conservative values, including my own. But that doesn’t mean I will shield my children from the movie. I believe that the movie is, in fact, a gift that opens up dialogue between myself, my wife and my children. (Not to mention I find it just a little bit hypocritical to lose our minds over a movie like Beauty and not blink an eye at the starkly anti-Christian paganism of Disney’s movie Moana. We need to teach consistent values and not avoid the tricky ones.)

We can’t hide from opposing ideologies and beliefs and if we don’t take the opportunity to speak to our kids about them, we truly are setting them up for confusion.

Third, teach your children that the greatest weapon against fear is forgiveness. I believe this with all my heart. The world is full of bullies and contrary to the silly humanistic rhetoric that the human race is becoming more moral, bullies on a personal and global scale have always and will always exist. When my kids come to talk to me, often with tears in their eyes, about the bullies on the playground, I listen and I acknowledge their feelings but then I help them forgive. I tell them about the general contractor who bullied their dad when I called him on some sub-par work and how difficult was to see him in the community afterwards.

Forgiveness is critical to love. In fact, it may be the greatest expression of love and this is why; love is, at it’s core, completely selfless. What could be more selfless than to choose within oneself that regardless of what anyone might do to you, you will not hold it against them? Of course, neither forgiveness nor love is trust. Trust is earned and can be lost, but forgiveness can only be given, it cannot be earned. I may ask someone to forgive me, but that is all, after that they must choose to forgive or not. Likewise, I may choose to forgive someone without them ever asking for it.

Clearly the terrorists of the world are the embodiment of hate, but their hatred only drives my love for them. I don’t believe that we should be soft on crime. I don’t even think that we should avoid war at all costs; there is a place for war which may even demonstrate love of a different kind namely protecting the lives of those who cannot protect themselves.

But we can still forgive those who are lost in their hatred.

When Jesus said in Matthew 5:44 to love our enemies, He meant just that. We are to love those who hate us most. In fact, if we don’t have any enemies, then we will never be able to love at the highest level. If our children begin to see their parents embody this level of love, we will help them find their place of peace in an increasingly dark world.