Chaplain's Corner

Recently during coffee break one of our young health care aids showed off her engagement ring. Her fiancé had gone to great lengths to make his request that she marry him memorable. It was exciting to hear her tell the story, to see the pictures and the joy on her face.

Forty-four years ago my wife Janice and I were married in a private family ceremony in Monroeville, Pennsylvania. Over the years I have had the privilege of officiating at many marriages; some have endured to this day others ended in separation and divorce. For those who marry, it is one of the most significant spiritual events in their lives. I didn’t say religious, although for some that might be true, but spiritual.

The reason most people long to get married has to do with their spirituality. As spiritual beings we long for meaning, connection, hope and impact. Marriage hold out the potential to address all of those spiritual longings. Of course marriage also holds the potential to absolutely devastate us spiritually for when things go sour in a marriage, the impact encompasses every aspect of our spirituality.

Marriage is one of the things we pursue in the hope that it will give our life meaning. This meaning is sought through the establishment of a home, a family and the lifelong mutual support of someone who loves us. Marriage is viewed by many as one of those important developmental steps in the progression of a life. This is not to say that a single life is less honorable, but many who chose or find themselves single can testify to the subtle and not so subtle pressures they experience from those who believe that spiritual fulfillment cannot be found outside of marriage.

Marriage can be and should be the most intimate connection two people can experience. A relationship in which we can deeply know and love and be deeply known and loved. It is a relationship that provides opportunities to be connected to another family, to enter into its life, to be welcomed into its circle. Although this doesn’t always happen, there is a longing within each partner in a marriage that the others parents and family will accept and embrace the one they love. This is a spiritual longing.

A life without hope is a dreadful thing and marriage holds out the promise to give those entering into it great hope. Some of the directions this hope move in are quite common: the hope of a life spent working towards the same goals together; or a life spent planning, preparing and raising a family. Hope keeps a couple going through the rough patches and if a couple loses hope in their relationship, the relationship often dissolves.

Marriage is also one of the means by which we hope to impact or leave our mark on the world. Many men want a son to keep their name going for another generation. Children hold the potential of being a couple’s greatest legacy. It is a precious thing when I attend funerals and family members get up and speak with respect and love for a parent or grandparent who has just passed. Most couples long to raise up a family that will carry on their values and be their ongoing impact on the world. My grandparents could have never imagined that among their grandchildren would be a missionary, pastors, and a university professor, a member of the US Diplomatic corps, teachers and more. But that is the legacy of my grandparents. A baker and a painter and their stay at home wives.

It is a beautiful thing to go about my work and see couples married 60 and 70 years sitting at a bed side, holding hands as one’s life slips away. That is my own hope and my hope those of you who are married.