Raising Kids With Character

Did you know that many, if not most, people think of their lives as a story?

Consider this: In the story of our lives there are characters; heroes and villains, as well as guides that help overcome conflict. There are plotlines and suspense and even chapters. (Have you ever heard about someone entering the “next chapter” of their life?)

The power of a story goes back as far as human history. The oldest stories that have survived through time to today are religious texts which record the mythologies of ancient civilizations of the Sumerians, Egyptians, and Indo-European people.

But these religious stories were not meant to be read as mere fables, and almost certainly not as historical records, they had a message that was intended to change the values of a person. From very early, humans recognized that stories were powerful means to affect change in the world.

And parents caught on pretty quickly!

Parents use stories all the time to try and change their kids’ behaviour.

“I once knew a boy who swallowed so much bubble-gum that he blew bubbles out his butt.” (This is a real story I’ve heard.) Lesson? Don’t swallow gum.

“You had better behave or Santa won’t give you presents this year.” Lesson? There’s a creepy all-seeing eye that leads straight into Santa’s morality meter. Don’t mess up.

“Did you know that when you tell a lie, your nose grows, just like Pinocchio?” Lesson? We can see lying on your face, so don’t think you’ll get away with it!

And then there are the powerful stories of family history. Of the heroism of great-grandparents who fought in “the war.” Or the courage of the families who escaped communist Russia. Even stories about past Christmases help to establish our present-day traditions be tying them to the past.

(By the way, this is one reason why when you mess with the way people celebrate Christmas, it feels so oppressive… there is history there.)

Using stories to shape behavior, instill values, or educate against evil, should be something that every parent thinks about. But we need to choose them very carefully! Reading Pinocchio to a child who struggles with lying might make them fearful, and fear plus deceit is usually a recipe for bigger and bolder lies in the future.

The stories I like best are those that teach towards virtue as opposed to against a vice. You might think of them as stories that invite children to be better instead of scaring them into not being bad.

In my first children’s book, Ari’s Awful Day, my co-author, Jermaine Loewen, and I tackled the topic of racism. However, the actual work “racism” isn’t mentioned in the book at all, rather we chose to focus on kindness as the virtue which will conquer racism.

This was one of those very tricky topics to address because we know that kids are affected by racism and we know that they are overhearing it on the news in the evening or in the car, but it’s a very big and scary topic for a child. That’s why we chose animals as characters instead of humans and why we focused on the light of kindness as opposed to the darkness of racism.

For adults, digging down into the historical roots of racism is critical, but for young children, developing a habit of kindness might be the most helpful training we can give them to combat racism… or any other stain on human history!

A story is a magnificent tool for this!

When we are creative with our storytelling, we truly can tackle huge issues and move the needle of culture for our children – but it takes being intentional.

The truth is all good parenting is intentional parenting. So, my challenge to you is be intentional with the stories you tell your children. The stories you tell will either instill fear or hope! Stories are that powerful!