Chaplain's Corner

It was Friday, December 14th, 42 days ago, that a young man killed his own mother then drove to the elementary school where she worked and killed 6 of her colleagues and 20 first grade students. I first hear the news as I passed by the second floor patient lounge at the hospital and one of our nursing supervisors was standing transfixed before the television watching the news reports. I really didn’t have much time to ponder this event until I got home that evening as my day required that I assist a family as they met with social workers to talk about the welfare of some children that were dear to their hearts and lead our residents and their families in some Christmas carols at our resident/family Christmas party at Bethesda place.

Not long after I got home my son dropped our three grandchildren off for the evening and it was then that the events in far off Connecticut hit home. You see, one of the little girls that was killed was the daughter of a couple that attended the church my son and his family attend and being the same age as my youngest grandson, had been in his Sunday School class for several years.

It was no longer a tragedy that happened thousands of miles away, the tragedy was now up close. My wife had been with my son and his family the Sunday the congregation said farewell. There was sadness that the couple and their children were moving but excitement at the new opportunities and the chance to live closer to family once again. And now…

And now…all the new opportunity is clouded by this loss. All the excitement of a new home in a new community close to Grandma and Grandpa – has been sucked into a terrible hole of sorrow. All the hopes and dreams wrapped up in package of that beautiful little girl have been laid to rest in a grave, not far from that new house and new job.

Grief is was not a distant reality in 2012 and for many of us it will come to rest in our hearts in this New Year. Can we prepare ourselves for losses like this one, for the losses our lives? I think we can if we will. Most of us try to keep thoughts of loss as far from the front of our minds as possible. We know they will come, sometime, some day. We know that some of our losses may give us warning but others may sneak up on us and catch us by surprise like the losses in that small Connecticut community back on December 14th. So, how can we prepare?

I would like to suggest that we loosen our grip on the gifts God has given us. We humans can be terribly possessive, we can grasp those gifts God has given us so tightly that when they are taken away, the loss rips and tears and injures us terribly. I am not suggesting that we develop an indifference to the gifts the Lord has given us – Not at all! Whether the gift is a husband or wife, a child or a parent, whether the gift is a home or a job or an opportunity – God’s gifts are given to be enjoyed and to be a blessing to us. But when we become possessive with them, when we grip them so hard and place them in such a primary place in our hearts that God, the giver, disappears, then the loss will be devastating.

God inspired the writing of the Book of Job in the Old Testament for many reasons, but one of the reasons was to help us realize that we need to hold his gifts loosely, enjoying them, being blessed by them, using them to bless others, but not holding them so tightly that when they are taken from us it rips our souls asunder. In the midst of horrific loss, Job said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21). This doesn’t at all mean that we do not hurt deeply when we experience loss. It doesn’t at all mean that we don’t have deep and serious questions about the meaning of the loss, or where God was at related to the loss. But it does mean that as we sit in the loss, we sit with God. Perhaps angry with Him; perhaps confused and struggling to understand Him, perhaps struggling to find His love and comfort – but we sit in the loss with Him.

I can not fathom being in the shoes of any of the family members of those who suffered these tragic losses in Connecticut. I hope I never have to experience that kind of loss. Most of us have not had to wrestle through the grief of having a child or loved one murdered, although I know a few who may be reading these words that know that reality all too well. But we have all suffered loss; loss is as much a part of life as anything else. We are reminded of this by Solomon the third king and poet of Israel that “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

In this season of death may God find ways into the hearts of those who mourn these unthinkable losses in Connecticut. May his grace be sufficient for the depth of their need and may God bring hope once again to the hearts who are feeling as if joy will never again visit their hearts or their homes.

For those who look on from afar, may we brace ourselves for the losses that will invade our lives this coming year by committing ourselves to the heart of our God whose love will never let us go and loosen our grip on all things earthly, even those people we love the dearest, recognizing that all that we have has been given and all that we have may so easily be taken away. But that if we have God, if we are his through faith in Jesus Christ, that as difficult as the most dreadful loss may be, we can do, we can endure, we can cope with all things through Christ who gives us strength. (Philippines 4:13).