Chaplain's Corner

Not long ago Darrell Dyck, the chairman of the Steinbach and Area Ministerial Association and Pastor of the Gospel Fellowship Church sent an article to the members of the Ministerial titled: “Know Your neighbours?” (Leadership Journal, Winter 2012). In the article a poll revealed that when 2,200 adults were asked about their communities; some 28 percent didn’t know the name of even one neighbour and only 19 percent said they knew all of them. Now maybe the poll was taken in large urban centers of the United States and the folks of the southeastern part of Manitoba would probably fair a whole lot better if the same poll were used here. But the question is still an important one: “Do you know your neighbours?”

Why would this be an important issue for a chaplain to contemplate? Well, because part of what it means to be a spiritual being is to have the longing to be connected to oneself, those around us and God. That’s right, that longing you have in your heart to be connected to others; the longing that propelled many of us into marriage, to have families, to be part of groups like churches and community clubs, sports teams and other social units is a spiritual longing. It is one of the essential characteristics of our spirituality.

Sadly, one of the realities becoming more and more apparent is how disconnected we are becoming. That’s what I said, you read it correctly, I believe and it is my experience as I work with people, that we are becoming increasingly disconnect as time goes on.

But some of you will protest that with social media like Facebook and Twitter, smart phones, emailing and text messaging that we are more and more connected. But are we? Does having 200 “friends” that we are linked to on Facebook really mean that we are connecting significantly with others? Or are the many connections that we have more and more superficial and is that longing that we have to be deeply and significantly connected with others really being met?

That brings me back to neighbours. As I listen to many old-timers tell tales about life 60, 70, years ago, I hear stories of people being significantly connected, depending on each other, celebrating the victories of life together, sharing in the suffering of life. But they had no phones in those days, many times it was a bit of a trek by wagon or sleigh to get to church or to town or even to the neighbours and there was little luxury for doing this more than once a week; yet despite the lack of technology, people needed each other and out of this need stronger more significant connections developed.

Oh, I am not so naïve as to believe that deep connection was the norm, that there were not families and neighbours and communities where connections were superficial and lacking in significance, but there is something about need that drives connections deeper. I see this all the time in my work. Sickness, disease and accidents which at times land people in the hospital create a need for connection. As the chaplain, one of my primary functions is to assess how healthy a person’s connections are, with themselves, others and God and to make some contribution to the deepening and strengthening of those connections.

Because of the need created by a hospitalization, people that I would never meet, ever – open their lives to me, even though it be for a short time and part of the spiritual work that is done is inviting connection with another human being around how the sickness, disease or accident is impacting the life of the person in the bed beside which I sit. Sometimes as I do my work I encounter people with many significant connections with others and with beautiful connections with God. When this is the case I celebrate those with them and encourage them to draw upon those connections during this difficult time. However, at other times I encounter people who are alone, abandoned, disconnected from family, friends, and community and from God. When this is the case I seek to explore with the person in the bed what went wrong that they are so alone in life. This often results in my hearing sad stories of abuse or mental illness or having to live with tragic choices made years earlier.

This however can be dangerous work. It is dangerous because this kind of conversation reminds me of my own feelings of being alone, abandoned and disconnected from people that were and in some cases still are important to me. I know, from my own experience, that remedying these disconnections is no easy job and that sometimes a reconnection can be more damaging as opposed to healing.

But in these encounters, as I make room for the spiritual pain of the one in the bed and allow myself to reflect anew on my own spiritual pain something healing happens. Sometimes for the first time in the other’s life, someone cared that they were hurting, cared that they felt alone, uncared for and abandoned and listened without judgment or offering a “quick fix” that might be well meaning but out of touch with the reality being shared.

Sometimes spiritual care is simply making room for another to put into words their pain, to objectify their misery by telling their story and honoring their story with quiet respect. Now, this kind of care is not the property of chaplains, it is a gift each of us can offer and why not offer it to our neighbours. Instead of complaining about their kids who run through your yard or gossiping about the yelling you might hear from time to time or simply ignoring them as you come and go in your daily routine; start to care.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It could be dropping a batch of cookies over once in a while for no other reason that to connect. Or when you see the neighbour in the driveway or the yard, slipping out just to introduce yourself, say hi and break the ice. Oh, I know some of you who read this have known your neighbours all your lives. But with the way our region is growing, there are probably people next door, or on the next anchorage over that are newer to the area, maybe from Europe or Asia and why not be the first to reach out and say with some kindness – I care. Every connection has the potential of being spiritually significant, either in a spiritually positive or negative way. Every time we reach out, we are living out our spirituality, saying, “My longing to be connected and your longing to be connected may be met in wonderfully met if we simply begin to offer ourselves to each other in friendship.”

Do you know your neighbours? If you do, have you ever sensitively pursued a connection that went beyond a neighbourly “Hi” or “See you later”. Do you realize that some pretty spectacular spiritual work just may be done in your life and in the life of the other if you just open up and offer yourself, initiate the connection and trust God to see where it might lead?

Behind every façade of “OKness” is pain, loss, feelings of disconnection: behind your face of “OKness” and your neighbours. Why not try to establish a connection and just see what happens?