Chaplain's Corner

Procrastination is a problem many of us experience. When we are on the wrong side of procrastination, it can be very discouraging. About a year and a half ago and then about 9 months ago I had heard two different Christian intellectuals speak on the subject of forgiveness. This is a subject I have written on and I was interested to hear what they had to say. After hearing their presentations I spoke with each of them asking if they would be so kind as to read over what I had written and give me some helpful criticism. They both agreed. They warned me that it may take a bit of time for them to get to my request and I was fine with that, but I still haven’t heard and besides being disappointed, their “word” doesn’t seem to mean much, for procrastination is a reflection on a person’s integrity. Now I have recently written hem both emails with a kind request that they respond as they had promised and I hope to hear something soon.

This experience however resonates with a problem we all struggle with, for we all procrastinate, some of us more than others, but we have all done it and we will all do it again. This business of procrastination infects every relationship at one time or another. Sometimes we promise our doctor that we will begin to follow his instructions. Maybe he is recommending that we lose some weight, or cut back on our salt intake, or get up and get a bit of exercise or take our medication more regularly. In the office we look into our doctor’s face and we agree, “Yes, you are right. I will do that.”

But, six months passes, we go in for our next check up and the doctor asks, well how is it going with those things we talked about last visit, and we either lie and say, “O I’m working at it real hard.” Or we honestly admit, “I’m sorry, but I haven’t even started.”

Why do we procrastinate? Perhaps the greatest reason is that we really don’t want to do what we said we would do. We may know it is a good thing, but we just don’t want to do it. It may be that we think that what we agreed to do is too hard and we get discouraged and feel defeated before we even get started. It may be that we tried several times before and failed and can’t face failing again. It may even be that we never intended to do what we said we would, we just wanted to get the doctor off our back. We use the excuse “I’m too busy” only to discover that we stayed too busy because we just didn’t want to do what we promised. There’s another reason we sometimes procrastinate – anger. Sometimes procrastination is a form of passive aggressive anger.

Sometimes when people approach the end of their life and the subject of “regrets” comes up, procrastination is a significant part of the conversation. “You know, I always intended to get around to … but never did.” Or “I promised my wife a trip to Hawaii ten years ago, but never put the money aside and now, well, it’s too late.” Or “My boy and I always talked about going signing up for a fishing derby out on Lake of the Woods, but every time he reminded me I was too busy working and I promised him – next year. But now, I don’t have a next year and it’s too late.”

Procrastination is a trust destroyer and because it is so effective at destroying trust, we need to be much more careful about what we tell others that we will do. It would be much better not to agree to do something than to agree to do it and then procrastinate our way out of doing what we committed ourselves to.

Can you imagine sitting with your doctor and have him recommend that we adjust our diet because of a heart condition and looking the doctor straight in the eye and saying, “You know Doc, I understand that you are recommending this because it is the right thing and I believe that it would benefit me if I would follow your direction, but to be honest. I’d rather die a bit sooner than maybe I would have to, that do what you are suggesting.”

I had a friend who did just that. He’s gone now but Eddie was a retired pastor, a beautiful Irishman. He had had a quadruple bi-pass surgery on his heart, it didn’t work and they went in a second time and found so much scar tissue that they closed him up and said the only thing they could recommend was a radical change in his diet. Eddie was a sincere man and agreed. He followed the new diet religiously for six months. He was miserable. One of the few joys he had left in life was enjoying his meals and the diet was one he just hated. At the six month check-up he told his doctor, “I have followed your recommendation strictly for six months and I am miserable and I have decided that I will go back to enjoying what I eat and take what comes.” His doctor appreciated his attempt and his honesty. Who wouldn’t?

You and I have many relationships – we have family relationships, we have community relationships, we have a relationship with our health care providers, with businessmen in the community and   nothing is more destructive to the fiber of a relationship than the distrust that develops when we commit ourselves to doing something and we procrastinate and just never get around to it. The reason frankly is irrelevant. It is far better to displease people with an honest response that commit ourselves to actions that we do not follow through on. People will get over disliking our honesty and they will learn that you are a person of your word. But many never get over the long pattern of distrust that comes when we say we will do something and never follow through. Relationships are not destroyed by honesty, but dishonesty. And no matter how we cut it, if we don’t do what we commit ourselves to do, we are being dishonest.

There’s a twist to this that I am just getting in touch with. That twist – forgetfulness. I am getting, well to be honest I have been quite forgetful for about 125 years. At one time I even asked to be tested because it is such a problem. But is forgetfulness and excuse for not doing what I say I will do? NO! I have trained myself to make notes to remind myself to do what I said I would do. I’m doing pretty well with that. But sometimes I forget to look at my notes. – no matter – I want to be a person of integrity so I will keep pressing on.

To be very honesty, if you are anything like me the biggest reason I procrastinate in because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I am not up to the task, that I will fail, that I will be a disappointment – but this fear gets me into a vicious cycle. Afraid to do what I say I’ll do, I don’t do it, this disappoints people and then I feel bad that I have disappointed them and I commit to doing what I said and the fear gets the best of me and round and round it goes and the result is the same – people come to distrust me, my word becomes meaningless and relationships get damaged and well, you know the drill.

Procrastination is a deadly sin – might as well call it what it is – for it destroys instead of builds, it injures instead of heals, and it can leave us and the people in our lives broken and injured and hurting. What is it you said you would do last week? Maybe we better get to it!