Edgework

Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don’t have any doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep. ~ Frederick Buechner

In recent months I have had the privilege of dialoguing with a number of honest doubters. Some have told me that they doubt God even exists. Others have haltingly shared how the God of their youth no longer speaks to them. Some are adamant that their doubts are valid; others are more tentative and fear their doubts might destroy them.

I find Frederich Buechner helpful in finding a way of redeeming doubt. He insists that if one never doubts simplistic truths and formulas, it will be impossible to grow toward maturity. I admit to having experienced a good deal of doubt during my faith journey, and even now I know that I don’t have 20/20 vision in all areas of faith and life.

In his book, “Now and Then,” Buechner tells of listening to a riveting lecture by Reinhold Niebuhr. “I remember his insistence that before religious faith can make more than superficial sense you have to take seriously the shattering questions arising out of human existence to which religious faith claims to have answers (13). Unfortunately, too many church people are content with superficiality.

Buechner says that no matter who we are – religious or unreligious, sophisticated or unsophisticated – we all are hungry to enrich our lives with meaning and purpose in spite of not seeing things as clearly as we might wish.  “…in one form or another all of us share the same dark doubts, the same wild hopes, and what little by little I have learned…is that unless those who proclaim the Gospel acknowledge honestly that darkness and speak bravely to the wildness of those hopes, they might as well save their breath for all the lasting difference their proclaiming will make to anybody” (46).

In other words, it will do little good to chastise doubters from a position of rock-solid confidence. It is better to admit that all of us who quest for truth experience doubts. A picture comes to mind. My doubting friend steps onto a veranda painted the color of “doubt” and sits down on a deck chair. I also step from my sheltered spiritual house to take a chair beside him. As we begin to talk we both know instinctively that neither of us will ever unravel all the mysteries of faith and life. But our common ground is the fact that we are doubters open to the possibilities of new and encouraging vistas.

I think the Apostle Paul would have been comfortable on this veranda. In I Corinthians 13:12 he states; “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall now fully, even as I am known.” In other words, whether you are religious or non-religious, it is not a shame to admit that you still have a lot to learn about faith and life and God – and to express the hope of discovering deeper understandings somewhere down the road. It seems to me that in such a context our mutual experience of doubt can indeed be fruitful.

In reflecting on the role of doubt in our pilgrimages, I have found Brain McLaren’s book, “Naked Spirituality,” to be helpful. While he admits that life stages defy simplistic characterizations, he, none-the-less, identifies four stages people of faith often find themselves in. Each stage, he says, is an important part of our journey, but for those seeking “naked” or authentic spirituality there is always a beckoning of another stage on the horizon.  Not to explore that new stage is to risk the possibility that our faith can grow stagnant or even toxic (30).

The stage of “Simplicity” is the time of spiritual awakening. This stage is a mixture of fragility and vitality; tenderness and toughness. We tend to think in “we/them” categories. There is strong in-group loyalty and authoritative leaders offer clear answers and warnings. God provides simple truths to believe and simple rules to follow. It is the spring time of faith. But, says McLaren, we were never meant to remain here as so many in the pew choose to do.

We are called to the second stage of “Complexity” in which we seek for ways to be spiritually strengthened as we try to become increasingly pragmatic and effective. We examine ourselves, admit mistakes and process failure. We acknowledge personal weakness and limitations and learn to empathize with others in pain. We become aware of diversity of beliefs and practices.

But, for those who continue growing, there comes a third stage of “Perplexity.” Here we often experience a sense of abandonment where solutions, answers and consolation seem to vanish. We are forced to be brutally honest with our thoughts and feelings. We think of faith less as a “nest” than a “quest.” Our identity at this stage is often found in a small band of other perplexed persons. Contrary to popular evangelical opinion, this is does not describe a state of “back-sliding” but growth in the context of fire. We question whether God is real or relevant. We may look into the abyss and pray with Jesus in Gethsemane, “My God, my God; why have you forsaken me?” and sometimes wait a long time to hear that “…he has not hidden his face from us.”

For those who keep questing, however, they will eventually come to a place of “Harmony”; a place of spiritual deepening. But like in childbirth, it only comes through pain and after pain. But here there is a quiet transcendence that has come to terms with the limitations of our knowing and a peace with the awareness that in some respects this cycle of stages may keep repeating itself in various areas of our lives.

Our doubts can be stepping stones that lead us toward greater maturity.