Edgework

“My strength is dried up like a potsherd…” (Psalm 22:15).

“He gives strength to the weary…they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:29, 30).

We are a people well acquainted with fatigue. I see it everywhere: in a plodding gait, in eyes that have lost their sparkle and in a somber face that once radiated energy. I hear it in the tone of the voice on the other end of the telephone line. I sense it in a gathering of people discouraged about some dysfunction within their group.

One website I perused informed me that there are at least 251 medical reasons why people experience fatigue: Anemia, potassium deficiency, Hyperthyroidism, low blood sodium, Lyme disease, Seasonal Affective Disorder and 245 more. The disconcerting fact is that in many cases even a large battery of tests cannot pinpoint what is causing the fatigue.

Another site suggested that, more often than not, fatigue is related more to lifestyle than a particular medical condition: lack of exercise, not enough sleep, a hectic schedule, an unhealthy diet, stressful relationships – to name only a few.

Most of us remember times in our lives when we had energy to spare. I remember a time when I could hardly wait to jump out of bed in the morning to tackle the challenges I knew lay ahead of me. And there are some people – God bless their souls – who can live that way well into their 80s and 90s. The rest of us can’t help being a little envious and wondering why that flight took off before we got to the airport.

The Isaiah passage that speaks about soaring, running and walking without growing weary was shared with me at my baptism when I was sixteen years old. I thought that was kind of nice and didn’t foresee any problem living out that promise at least as far as I could see into the future. But more than half a century later I have to admit that there have been numerous occasions where my experience has lined up more with the Psalmist’s complaint that his strength was dried up like a potsherd.

Whatever the reason for our fatigue – which we mostly find hard to figure out – we all wish and pray for a return of the energy that can fuel a productive life. We imagine ourselves actively engaged in life and buoyed up by that mysterious “life force” deep within our beings that allows us at least to “walk,” if soaring and running are not within reach, without being weary too much of the time. This is a healthy desire and I think it appropriate to make lifestyle changes and to seek medical attention that carries at least a small hope of restored energy. So here’s my wish that sometime soon those of you experiencing fatigue right now will find your way to a more energy-filled life.

But until such a time comes, if and when it does, I think we would do well to reflect a little on the positive side-effects of experiencing fatigue. Such an exercise need not be sadistic, as some might suspect, but might in fact help us cope with life on the down side – that place where we sometimes wonder just how we will make it through another day.

For one, fatigue brings us face-to-face with our limitations, which is a good thing. When energy seems to be abundant and cheap it is easy to think too highly of ourselves. We begin to fanaticize that if only others would give us a chance we could fix the world’s problems. I have watched many people with varying levels of energy reserves take on more than they can handle. Invariably, it seems, one of two things happens; either some of the tasks taken on get done poorly for lack of time and energy, or the person throws in the towel and walks away from everything – another way of describing burnout.

If we catch this syndrome soon enough, however, we can form a realistic opinion of how much we are capable of doing and adjust our schedules accordingly. This requires of us to, “think of ourselves with sober judgment” (Romans 12:3). I recall one experience while working in Bolivia. The needs all around me called for greater involvement than was humanly possible. I remember parking my ambulance beside the road to catch a few moments of desperately-needed rest before proceeding. And it was at that moment I thought I heard the Lord telling me that I was not responsible for all of Bolivia; I was only responsible to do what he had called me to do. Of course finding that sweet spot is easier said than done.

Bumping up against fatigue can also have the benefit of reminding us that, while it is appropriate to dream and plan for future involvements, most likely we will not live to fulfill all of them. It reminds us that we are finite and that the world does not rotate around us and our desires. Can we be humble enough to accept that fact and content to simply do what we are able to do with God’s help?

Fatigue also reminds us that we need each other. When I feel fatigue it is good to know my wife feels energized, and vice-versa. And that is the way it can work at church too. While it can happen, seldom does everyone in the faith community feel fatigue at the same time. So we learn to lean on one another because we can’t go it alone.

And finally, once having tasted fatigue, we will be more sensitive to others when it hits them and more ready to help carry their burdens under which they are stumbling.

Okay, Lord, so how can I get over the fatigue I have been feeling recently? I would at least like to walk and not be weary. Maybe even run.