Chaplain's Corner

A sense of one’s significance is a spiritual matter. One of the spiritual tasks that we all must engage in some way is to find meaning in life. Often as we seek to find meaning we experience feels of insignificance? We wonder, “I am worth anything? Is what I do making any difference in the world?  These are spiritual questions and when we feel as if our lives have no meaning, purpose or significance it can trigger spiritual dis-ease. The “incubation period” of some of these spiritual dis-easies is sometimes years. But then, at some point in life, it seems that out of nowhere a spiritual crisis develops.

I have struggled with such a spiritual malady most of my life. Just the other day I was walking back to my office at the end of the day and I was thinking, “Larry, you are insignificant, you don’t really matter and what you do around here is not important.” Now I don’t share this because I am looking for affirmation, I really get plenty of that. I don’t share this to try to get you to feel sorry for me, pity is not a very useful thing. I say this because most of us have thoughts about being insignificant and if we dug around a bit in our hearts, we could probably identify some of the influences that contribute to this nagging sense.

The search for meaning is a spiritual quest that every human being engages in some way. Some quite unconsciously, others with a focus and passion that drives them. Years ago I had a friend. He was a gifted man, yet when he was a kid his dad told him, over and over, “Boy, you’ll never make anything of yourself.” This “spiritual germ” infected his soul and he had spent his life, up to the time I knew him, proving his Dad wrong. The problem was that he could never convince himself that his accomplishments were enough to expel that “germ” from his soul. No matter what he did, he could not rid his heart of his father’s opinion.

For me, this sense of insignificance is a constant companion. I rarely talk about it; I have sought professional help but to be honest, the years of counseling I engaged provided little relief. But I am no longer tormented by this “germ”. I have my moments, like the other day. In those moments, I look at myself in the context of the bigness of everything around me and I conclude, “Yes, Larry, in the grand scheme of things you are insignificant, but today, you have cared for people, strangers, for no other reason than you wanted to share God’s love with them. You have no idea what those tiny, seemingly insignificant, hidden acts will do in the lives of the people you cared for, but that’s OK, you can trust God with that.”

That generally quiets these feelings of insignificance. When I trust God with the significance of my life and focus on simply sharing his love each day, I can forget about how insignificant I feel and relax. Far too many of us are working so hard to prove to ourselves, to others, maybe even to God that we are significant and that we have value. I spent many years in that enterprise and finally abandoned it – I admitted failure. But admitting my failure was the beginning of finding peace, for then I had energy to simply conceive of myself as a servant: first of God, then of others. I found being a servant is deeply satisfying. I often sing this little prayer to myself: “Make me a servant, humble and meek; Lord let me lift up, those who are weak; and may the prayer of my heart always be, make me a servant today.”