Chaplain's Corner

As I sat in the chair by his bed the patient that I was caring for repeated over and over again, “I’m just a loser. That’s all there is to it, no matter what I try or what I do, I always make a mess of things.”

We live in a world that likes to have winners and losers. I personally believe it is part of our sinfulness. We simply seem unable to curb our inclination to compete and to declare winners and losers. Strangely, some who find themselves in the hospital are battling not only the physical malady that required their hospitalization, but the spiritual malady of believing that this is just one more example of the fact that they are losers.

I don’t know why there are some people that just seem to be able to succeed at anything. My Dad used to describe these folks as being able to fall into the septic tank and crawl out in a white silk tuxedo. Then there are others who really try hard, but they seem doomed to make a mess of things.

Living with this “loser” identity is damaging over the long haul of life. We talk a lot about good self-esteem but these folks loath themselves. We say that everyone has a gift, they just have to find it, use it and then the recognition and sense of accomplishment will follow. But I know a few folks who are still looking for those gifts and wonder if they will ever find something they can be “good” at.

Of course every TV sitcoms has one of these folks. In the popular sitcom “Friends” it was George Castanza. He was the butt of every joke, the guy who tried hard but nothing ever worked out. Why do we find such characters funny? Because for the short time the show is on these characters give us the chance to make sport of someone who is an even bigger loser.

Those who carry this sense in their hearts are not losers at all, but once this “spiritual germ” infects a person, it is hard to extricate it. That is why it is so important to curb our competitive natures which demand that someone be a loser in just about every situation and that use derision, mockery, bullying and a variety of other unkindnesses to find and label the “loser”.

As parents, we need to work hard to teach our children to be compassionate, kind, encouraging and supportive of others. As adults we need to become aware of that spirit of competitiveness and our tendency to insist in labeling someone the “loser” for this does lifelong damage for it eradicates potential, saps motivation, and chronically discourages.

I have known “losers” that exhibit the extraordinary resilience that enables them to spit in the face of these degrading powers that conspire to destroy and they rise above them. They are wonderful role models. But for reasons we haven’t yet been able to understand, the vast majority of the “losers” our culture and its demeaning competitiveness creates do not have and cannot find the capacity to rise up and scream, “I will not allow you to define me this way!”

Parents, we are so often focused on pushing our kids to perform: in school, in music, in sports. We probably do this unconsciously or maybe quite consciously because we don’t want our kids to be “losers” because if they were, then we might be considered “losers” as well. I would like to challenge you to focus more on modeling, encouraging and helping your children and teens to be compassionate people who are as concerned about helping the other succeed as they are about their own success. Or as God says, “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”