Chaplain's Corner

Finding contentment when things are not as they should be is one of the most difficult tasks that we face. In my work I meet people when things are not what they should be or at least not as they want them to be. I have never yet met a person who wanted to be in the hospital. I have never met a person who wanted to have a stroke, heart attack, cancer or diabetes. I have never met anyone who wanted the broken hip that landed them in the hospital.

Think about it, how much of your life is how you want it to be? We live in the constant tension between what is and what we want. This tension can have a serious impact on us, mentally, physically and spiritually. The stress created in the space between what is and what we want can grow to an almost intolerable level. I cared for a woman once whose husband died, she just could not accept what happened, she wailed, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” Things got so bad that she was admitted to a psychiatric unit because her anguish over the death of her husband pushed her to want to end her life.

Most of us don’t experience that kind of crisis when the “what is” and the “what I want it to be” are in conflict. Most of us experience sadness or discouragement and at times those low-grade feelings begin to color our lives. Other people seem more capable of facing the disappointment and finding their way back to joy despite the disappointment. Just how does that happen?

Resilience has become the subject of research in recent years. Resilience is the process of adapting well when faced with the disappointments and their stresses that are a regular part of life. Research has demonstrates that there are some common characteristics that resilient people have. According to the American Psychological Association, the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience several other factors are associated with resilience:

1. The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
2. A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
3. Skills in communication and problem solving
4. The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses

However, the truth of the matter is, many of us do not live in the kinds of relationships that foster resilience nor do we presently possess the skills useful for “bouncing back” from the knocks of life. So if we do not have the kind of relationships nor the skills that contribute to resilience, what are we to do? Sadly, this is often where research leaves us.

So I would like to recommend one thing that I have found especially useful that has helped me deal with the “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be-s” of life. That one thing is HOPE. Hope is the certainty that things will be better someday. Now some hope is hollow for there is no certainty. The hope I speak of is the hope of life forever in the presence of God – heaven, if you will. As a Bible Believing Christian, I hold an unshakable belief that heaven awaits me, not because I am a great guy, but because Jesus is my Savior. For me this is not a “hope so” but a deep and unshakable conviction. With this “hope” in my heart, when “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be-s” happen, I turn my thoughts toward heaven where everything will always be just as it should be. That’s it. Heaven will be a state in which perfection reigns in every aspect of life – and what could be better than perfect!