Raising Kids With Character

All over Manitoba, and indeed from coast to coast in Canada (perhaps the world?), wherever school is out, and summer has set in, kids are heading to camp! Summer camps, Bible camps, sports camps, even mini-university camps to do science and explore the world; you name it and parents are paying for it!

These summer-time activities are certainly an investment in our children. Whether that investment is in their faith, skills, talents, or character, no parent wants to invest without a return on their hard-earned money.

For my part, my entire summer is spent at Bird River Bible Camp. This year our church will invest in the lives of 1105 campers up here at Bird River, 52 high-schoolers participating in “leaders through action,” 82 middle schoolers at our basketball camp back in Steinbach, not to mention the 60+ full-time staff and hundreds of volunteers it takes to pull this thing off. Clearly, we want to make sure we get this thing right!

This being my 13th summer, in full or part, spent at Bird River, I have learned a few things about how to get the most out of a summer camp experience. I believe that these translate to whatever kind of camp your child might find themselves at this summer and I hope these ideas help you find your return on your investment.

ONE: Give them time with you

I remember one mom telling me that after she picked up her 12-year-old from camp, he literally talked without some much as a breath the entire 2-hour drive home, and then asked if they could stay up late so he could finish telling her about camp. That’s amazing.

It’s amazing for two reasons really:

1. The kid talked to his mom and
2. The mom listened!

Truthfully, I don’t have that kind of stamina. I’m good for 20 minutes at most, maybe 30 and then I’m like, “Time to change the channel!” Yet we know that whenever we give our kids time, space and a voice, that we build belonging and attachment in profound ways. So yes, we need to make sure that the hours and maybe even the days following the return from camp have space in them for your kid to actually talk to about their experience!

TWO: It’s all about the relationship

Many of you will have gone to summer camp when you were younger. Humour me for a second, think back on what you remember from that experience. Do you remember the chapel time? Do you remember the games? Do you remember the mosquitoes? (Ok… it’s hard to forget that kind of trauma.) OR do you remember the counsellors, pastors and coaches who led you?

Look, I’ve probably preached a couple thousand messages in various settings in my career and certainly several hundred were in a camp setting. Yet, you would be hard-pressed to find one former camper who remembered more than 2% of what I preached. Now, that may be discouraging for some people, but not for me, because for me success isn’t a camper remembering what I taught, it’s a camper remembering who I taught about!

In a faith-based setting, it is all about a transcendent relationship with the God who loves us! But even with that goal in mind, the connection is usually made through relationships with caring staff and leaders. In other words, everything rests on relationships.

Think about the difference a good coach makes. It’s huge! What about a great mini-U leader (mini-prof?) who cares as much about the kids in her group as she does about the science experiments she is demonstrating?

If you want to help your child ask them about this first when they get off the bus. Ask them about their coach, counsellor (we call them “cabin leaders” now), and their new (and old) friends! Get them to write (yes, write, like with a pen and paper) a thank-you note to their cabin leader. Have them send an “I miss you” to some of their friends.

Doing this will help them to really establish the relational connections they made and take those great memories into life with them!

And then ask them what they did, what they learned and which cabin leader ate the grossest thing.

THREE: Go easy on them

Chances are good your kid is coming home tired, dirty, and slightly dehydrated from their week at camp. I know that you sent your little rebel to This Or That Bible Character Camp fully expecting to have an angel return… but I have news for you, no-one on the planet can change their character in a single week of camp.

No. One.

They might be moody, sluggish, tired and even hungry. You will be tempted to think “What on earth? Didn’t camp work? What did they do up there anyways?” You will be tempted to think that you don’t have a return on your investment. Or worse, you lost capital!

Parent, please. Chill out for a minute.

Camp doesn’t change biology. Those hormones will still rage in nature just as much as in your home. (Maybe worse given the plenitude of prospective crushes!) Neither does one week at camp reverse bad habits, the dopamine rich rewards of leveling up in a video game, or the assumed irrelevance of parents.

Was one week without your 13-year-old all you needed to become the parent you always wished you would be? I thought not.

Camp is about building positive relationships with adults other than your parents. And, hopefully, those adults (often barely older kids themselves), will have had the capacity to draw out of your child what is good, beautiful and unique about them. Hopefully, their cabin leader will walk them through the dread of homesickness. Perhaps their coach will call out a noble leadership trait in your child. Maybe the camp pastor will pray a life changing prayer with your kid.

Just remember, camp is one stop of many in making our kids everything their Creator intended them to be! You can nurture those little seedlings that were planted at camp, but it will take a lifetime to see the full potential of what God was up to!