Edgework

It has been more than a decade since I have preached a sermon. For the most part I enjoyed my preaching career and over the years I received a lot of affirmation that public speaking was one of my gifts.

But, having backed off for quite some time now, I perceive a number of stages in my preaching journey which are only now becoming self-evident. It seems to me that in my first stage I needed to establish myself as an orator worth listening to. I needed to know whether I could “make the grade” to the point where I would be invited back! In some ways, those were heady days and I am somewhat embarrassed today to realize how much my preaching was, at least to some degree, about feeding my ego needs.

In my second stage, when I was preaching as a representative of the church and its institutions, I was more mindful of preaching theologically sound sermons that connected to people’s real needs. While still speaking directly to the people in my audiences, I think it is fair to say that I was also preaching to church leaders, some of whom were not even present at these events. I see now that, as a #3 on the enneagram, I needed their affirmation! For the most part, I think I passed the test, but from time to time I realized that I was not pleasing some persons in my church community.

As I entered my third stage of preaching, my sermons began having a bit of an edge. I was less predictable because, as Richard Rohr would say, I was entering my second half of life where dualistic thinking begins giving way to mystery, and “order” moves through “disorder” to “reorder.” Unlike in the early days, I sometimes left my listeners with challenging questions to ponder without giving clear-cut answers. I sensed that I still was keeping sincere faith questers with me, but increasingly “gate-keepers” of the church were unhappy. Sometimes these sermons created division; some saying they wanted to hear more with others questioning how “safe” my preaching was.

At some point I just quit preaching all together. Instead I embarked on a quest for deeper spirituality and theological insights, documenting my journey by writing essays on line. Some were disturbed by my writings, while other pilgrims on a similar journey affirmed the direction I was headed.

Sometimes I wondered if I would ever find my voice again. I was aware that if I did it would have to come from deep within my soul. As Rohr speaks of it, my new understandings would need to become imbedded at a “cellular” level in order to be authentic. In recent times I have had a number of experiences in which I have felt the gospel message, as I see it developing in this “reordering” stage of my life, sinking ever deeper into the core of my being. In some senses these experiences have been “mystical” and left me with a profound sense of joy and freedom.

I was not prepared for another such experience a few weeks ago when Ruth and I spent a few days at the cabin near La Broquerie which we sold a few years ago. (Part of the deal was to have continuing access to the cabin when not in use!) I spent some time at the pond recalling many happy hours with family and friends in the water. I noticed that Garth, the new owner, had cut down a poplar tree on the north edge of the pond, leaving a stump about four feet high.

As I leaned into this stump it mysteriously turned into a pulpit. I imagined the shores of the pond lined with people, up on the berms and even down on the eastern beach area. I thought that Jesus would have been right at home in this setting. Suddenly my tongue was loosened and I began to preach with some of the passion I have been known for in the past. Once I got going it seemed I couldn’t stop. It was a holy moment in which the gospel message I have been discovering in my reordering process sank deep into my soul.

Let me tell you about the God I have discovered. Don’t think for a moment that he is the mean old man upstairs, keeping track of your every misstep like a cosmic Santa Claus. Don’t project your own need for revenge onto God. Look to Jesus of whom it is said that he is the exact representation of the Father. Jesus came to reveal the heart of the Father!.

Jesus gives us new eyes through which to see the truth about God. Through these eyes we can see that God’s defining characteristic is LOVE, writ large! He is not an angry tyrant who can’t stand to be in the presence of sinners because of his holiness. Jesus was quite comfortable keeping company with people like you and me. So you can come to Jesus as you are! The separation from God you are feeling is an illusion. Beneath all that illusionary debris, God is closer to you than your own breath.

You didn’t come into this world a depraved sinner damned for hell. You came with an original blessing that will always remain with you, not with the curse of an original sin you had nothing to do with. And if you choose to grow in that original blessing you will discover your True Self, which is God within you.

You may be experiencing sin in your life but the good news is that Jesus sees that sin as a disease that needs healing, not punishment. Indeed, Jesus is the Great Physician!

And on and on it went…

Meanwhile, Ruth had found a sunny spot near the pavilion one of the red Adirondack chairs and assumed, upon hearing me, that I had met someone at the pond. Well, perhaps she was right!